| finally, some good freakin' news! |
[Dec. 22nd, 2005|11:27 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  optimistic | ] |
Well, it's official, I am a Gargoyle (or a Maroon, or a Phoenix). Yesterday I received a phone call from the Dean of Admissions at University of Chicago School of Law, who said, "Welcome to the Class of 2009."
Chicago was my #1 choice, so I applied Early Decision (which is binding), so I am definitely going.
My dad was so happy he cried, and then I cried, and then we were both officially as unlike ourselves as we could possibly be. And then neither one of us would reach for a kleenex, thus reverting back to our true, obstinate, emotionally awkward selves.
Then, later that night, I did something I have never done in my life: I vomited my entire dinner, without any alcohol-related cause. I think all this crap with my family has been so insanely stressful, and I experienced such tremendous relief upon getting into Chicago, that my body purged itself.
Unbelievable.
This time next year, John, Scout, Sammy, Velcro, Lucy (and maybe Tessa and Nimh) will be in some old brownstone in Hyde Park.
Welcome to the University of Chicago: where fun comes to die.
:-D |
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| Huh |
[Sep. 7th, 2005|10:56 pm] |
I just reviewed my summer goals.
Achieved: prepping for law school, maintaing and improving my relationship, reading at least (actually it averaged to actually 2) 2 non-work, non-school related books each month.
Failed: Working on spanish, keeping up with the yard work (although not a total failure), and improving my relationship with my sister and/or any other family member (miserable fucking failure).
p.s.--I love the new HBO show Rome!!! And Deadwood! And their America: Undercover documentary series!! I love HBO!! |
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| Bullet points |
[Sep. 7th, 2005|10:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | nostalgic as usual when I post | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Shine -- David Gray | ] |
I hadn't checked live journal for, oh, about three months, and doing so today made be think I ought to post. I don't honestly even know if I'm on anyone's friends list. Either way, it's good to write something for posterity.
Biggest news for the summer: I am officially the most unsuspecting bride-to-be you'll ever meet. I'm engaged. John proposed in June and I accepted. No caveats, no contingencies. I said yes. No regrets so far, which is incredible since I spent six months researching cell phone plans and still managed to be pissed off about my decision three days after I signed my contract (that was years ago, though).
There's no Consumer Reports on husbands, folks. Nor is there anything in National Geographic or the ABA Banking magazine. And since those are the only periodicals passing my eyes these days, I had to go on my gut: marry 'im.
It's hard to believe that only four 1/2 years ago I was aggressively convincing John that "No, you don't want me. No, really, you don't. Even if you do, it won't work. So let me do you the favor: I'm leaving you." Ohhhhh, how unoriginal and yet quite honestly painful. The emotions have quelled. Now we have grown-up fights with statements like, "I can't change the behavior you dislike until you explain why you dislike it. Reason being, I don't want to change something about me--which is pretty essential to my character--unless it's absolutely incompatible with your character. And the only way I know it's truly incompatible with your character is if I know the reasons why you want me to change this behavior."
Yes, that's a summary of an actual argument we had quite recently. Less volatile, but mind-fucking nonetheless.
In other news, law is certainly in my future. It's looking more and more like University of Chicago and I'll just leave it at that. Don't want to give myself a noose, etc, etc.
And not to be maudlin, but a word to all you people who said the pain from my grandmother's death would wane over time: Just what did you mean by time? There's been precious little waning as of yet. I still feel compelled to hold off important events till a time when I can share them with her.
Ciao, amici. |
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| logic games, and reading comprehension, and logical reasoning OH MY!!! |
[Jun. 4th, 2005|10:05 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | anticipatory | ] |
| [ | music |
| | U2--Complete Collection "Twilight" (circa 1978, mullet U2!!) | ] |
That's right, it's LSAT time. I take the big test on Monday--MONDAY--at 1 pm--ONE PM! I've never in my life taken a standardized test after 9 a.m. or on anything buy a Saturday. So strange. And demanding of me to take a day off work, which I think is more than a bit unreasonable.
I lost my mind and purchased the U2: The Complete Collection from iTunes this week in order to keep me focused on my stupid lsat practice tests (I say that as though it were necessary; it's not; it's sufficient--ahhhhh!!!). 446 songs, and it took almost 8 hours. The 14-year-old me would be pissing herself with awkward, locked-in-her-room glee. The 23-year-old just feels sort of satisfied, like after Thanksgiving dinner . . . only Bono is the main course. Mmmmmm. . .
Congrats grads! Welcome to purgatory.
Anyway, if anyone has an iPod and wants every U2 song ever, you can ship it to me and I'll upload it onto your iPod, no charge!!
It's hot in Valpo. I'm not wearing any clothes right now. I think John has West Nile Virus.
Just hope for me that I score high enough that I don't have to break into Notre Dame's admissions office in mid-November when I'm going INSANE!!
Summer goals:
Prepare for law school by reading this prep books I've heard help a lot in your first year.
Work on my spanish so I can converse with the fellas who do the bank's mainenance.
Read at least two non-work, non-school related books each month.
Keep up with the yard work (this one is impossible).
Try, TRY to improve my relationship with my sister, Liz (the supposedly normal one . . .)
Maintain the quite passionate and lovely state of John's and my relationship--we're going on 4 years, people.
That's all for now . . lat-ah. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 3rd, 2005|09:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | animated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | U2 -- "Miracle Drug" | ] |
So I just met Senator Richard Lugar. Not kidding. I had a good ten minute conversation with him where I asked him: a) his thoughts on African debt and its HIV/AIDS crisis b) why we can import commercialism but not anti-retroviral drugs into Africa and c) how much time he's spent with Bono.
I think we all anticipated the the last question.
Okay, I'm not a Republican, never will be. But this guy gave an actual answer. Of course, I can't quite articulate it now, but it was real. Much more straightforward than the ones Bush or Kerry would have given. Of course, there's a lot more riding on it when they answer. Still, he never took his eyes from mine and I fucking appreciated that.
Just wanted to share that. He is, after all (shamelessly), a five-term senator of ol' Indiana.
Not quite the same as slow-dancing with Bono. But then, what is these days?
I'll be in Greencastle the 14th. We'll just see how that goes. I am sorry missed everyone this past weekend. However, I DID get to see Lewis Black live in Chicago and he rocked my fucking world!!! Do whatever you can to see him because he's fucking hilarious.
Did I mention I was half-drunk when I spoke with Lugar? Is that totally inappropriate or just a glorious fuck you? You decide.
One other thing: I'm seeing U2 on Saturday. Time for me to piss my pants all over again--round 6! Ding ding!
Your Linguistic Profile:
|
80% General American English |
15% Upper Midwestern |
5% Midwestern |
0% Dixie |
0% Yankee |
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| I ain't about to go straight . . . |
[Feb. 18th, 2005|09:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  artistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ray LaMontagne -- Trouble | ] |
Ciao, ciao.
So I'm not sure if I'm going to make it down to the Castle tomorrow. John has bronchitis and I feel bad leaving him with 102 degree fever. Doesn't that seem inordinately high . . . I mean, for an adult? It's bizarre to be saying, "This is the sickest I've ever seen an adult!" In walks Pollyanna. Sigh. I'm such a fucking grown-up now.
I took the country quiz. I was Egypt.
You're Egypt!
Curator of ancient mystical secrets, your life on the surface is fairly
typical these days. Though you are in denial about more things than most people.
Nevertheless, you're trying to convince people that you're safe despite your more
volatile and unstable times that seem to be behind you. You like cats a whole lot.
You'd probably really appreciate The Blue
Pyramid.
Take
the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid
Egypt? Damn that's boring.
I was supposed to take the LSAT in Feb and I copped out and postponed to June. Am I really going to be a lawyer? No, but really. A lawyer?
Saw Tim O'Brien read this week at my old high school. Talk about weird. I told my Junior Year lit teacher that I became an English major and she honest-to-god stared at me like, why the fuck would I care? didn't you figure out that I never cared about teaching or you or even books for that matter? but she only said, "ohhhhh. well, good for you!" Ugh. High school.
Scouty just brought me her ripped up blanket. Awwww, prent!!!!
Anyway, no decision on tomorrow yet. I talked to B last weekend and was optimistic then. I'll call her tomorrow. John says go, but I don't know. I'm pretty worn out just from house and work stuff this week.
I'm beginning to realize that the authentic life has nothing to do with: (a) love, (b) money, (c) a college degree. I've had varying degrees of each and I'm still reaching. Out of touch with the authentic life. Beth Hawkins, you betray me.
I had a paper idea this week. No, actually, I had an addendum to my thesis idea. It had to do with metaphor. I was excited--incredibly excited--to have an intellectual thought, one truly rooted in ridiculously esoteric academia. But then my excitement subsided and was replaced by the realization that my academic experience at DePauw may have been my last opportunity to have such a life. And did I blow it?
Does anyone else feel this? That the thinking you did in some of your most inspiring classes was the last thinking of this nature that you've done and will perhaps ever do? |
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| Holy shit, remember when I had a live journal? |
[Jan. 15th, 2005|11:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | U2--Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own | ] |
Hey hey. I guess going back to the Castle makes me want to engage in interpersonal communication. What's with nobody being online ever? It's the only way I know how to be social. My screen name is gingrbredhouse . . .
So, I had one of my finest trips to Greencastle to date. Honestly, I probably had a better weekend than most from my Senior year. That's not a dig on anyone, promise. It was good to just be relaxed with everybody. No drama. I just felt _good_ all weekend.
Hung out with Micah and--gasp--Abby Chew on Friday. That was a bit of a trip. I felt like a new person around her. I used to feel intimidated/exhilerated/jealous?. This time I felt like, hey, I'm a confident person who has something to say. With all that settled, we had a really good time! Went bowling (no pun intended) high, and I bowled a 37 the first game. That's one of the best events of my life. Because I was wasted, I was able to experience a pure lack of self-consciousness like I haven't felt in a long long time. It was so fucking FUN! Not to mention we ordered Marv's to the bowling alley.
Saturday there was the truckstop and orchids with TP and BP. I got my mom some fabulous flowers that she cried over when I gave them to her yesterday. Need I mention the Adaptation-ness of it all?
Saturday night finally got ahold of Ronnie. Went over there to take him out for a promised meal, and ended up staying for 6 hours. It was like an enema for my soul. In some ways I so regret backing away from him after Ireland. I just got so fucking tired of the drama. He is so much like my father that it scares me and comforts me. I live in fear of losing my father. It's good to know I've got a back-up. John and I are having him and the girls up at our place this January, and I honest-to-god think we're going to play music till we pass out crying. Ron's place has always been the genesis for my personal regeneration. It's where I first smoked, met John, played a mandolin, and learned how to leave everything at the door. I only hope John and I can offer that kind of salvation to Ron when he comes up here.
If ever you wish to know a good man . . .
My puppy dragged her bed over by the desk so she could pass out while I type. Not an uncommon occurrence, but it never stops being overwhelmingly sweet. Having a dog has made me mushy. Just ask B. I actually said I like children this weekend. Lord. On that note . . .
welterweight, out |
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| I'm a woman now . . . |
[Jan. 9th, 2005|07:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nervous | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bonanza theme song (in my head) | ] |
So I bought my first suit today. It's gray with lighter gray pin stripes. John helped me pick it out. It was very reasonably priced (under a hundred bucks, which is extremely reasonable (it's fun to use superlatives to describe mediocre adjectives) for a decent suit. I'm working in Trust now (as in wills and estates) and those customers kind of want me to wear something other than khakis and sweaters. Scary.
Started aggressively (aggressively?) researching law schools. Also scary. I'm actually getting really excited. The more time I spend in the "real world," especially the real banking world, the more I want to understand the goddamn law. It's so convoluted and in no way meant for a layperson (exhibit "me") to read, and it really pisses me off.
Anyway, after I go, maybe I can be your "lawyer friend." I'll write your will. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2004|05:39 pm] |
Sorry so long, but this has to be short.
Just got back from Evansville with John and the dog. It was good times except Scout threw up in her crate about 5 minute from (and 5 hrs 45 minutes into the car ride) John's parents' house. We played mini golf, which I take as a sign of my devotion to John since I abhor the activity. Listened to all of Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim and found "The Girl Next Door" to be terribly disturbing.
I've been mad busy with my MBA shit. Even starting to think I should back out early and go straight to law school.
My mom had a terrible seizure on Thursday and crashed to the ceramic kitchen floor on her face. She called me when I was at work and I spent the whole day with her at the hospital e.r. and then the plastic surgeons b/c she split her bottom lip completely open (it was horrifying) and broke her nose. I felt really bad. She looked like, to quote Amy Sedaris, somebody just beat the shit out of her.
I'm very excited to have Jonelley come up her this Saturday. Keegan keeps hinting that she'll be around here this weekend, too, but I'm not counting on it. |
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| I know dead people / and you're not dead. (Franz Wright) |
[Jun. 22nd, 2004|09:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jason Mraz live | ] |
Umm, my phone died. Fucking phone. I'm so pissed. The screen just went totally blank. Mind you, it DIALS and SENDS, I just can't see anything. And my address book is gone like Raker's 33 cent stamp (speaking of which, why is there no cent sign on the keyboard? fuck microsoft!) I'm so mad. Inexplicably so. I mean, it's just a phone.
I'm brimming with confounded stress. I know it's such a cliche and really obnoxious to say that because everybody with a life says it. But I'm at that point where things like my phone breaking make me seriously consider stepping in front of a truck. It's like, when I first got to Italy and hadn't eaten in 36 hours and there was nobody there to help me or anything and I couldn't find a working phone and my apartment had roaches and cat shit and I was walking around lost and I stubbed my toe and THAT--the goddamn toe stubbing--sent me to hysterics in the middle of fucking Florence. Cell phone breakage=stubbed toe.
So, for now, I called Sprint (those fuckers, I hate 'em) and lied and said I'm leaving the country and could you please put my phone on $5/month vacation mode, and they said yes and reminded me contract doesn't end till Christmas, thank you very much. I don't even want to get a phone. I delved into the cell phone markets last night online only to find that I will inevitably be screwed.
Good news is, the house is being painted. Woo-ee. For less than the guy estimated, which is some kind of first in commerce--charging _less_ than you said you would? Had someone tell John and me that our house is their favorite in Valpo. That was neat. Then had another guy _thank_ me for painting it. Insult? I don't care. My cell phone's dead.
Did I mention I watched Monster and I'm still having nightmares about it? |
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| The Good Times Are Killing Me |
[Jun. 19th, 2004|12:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | stressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Modest Mouse "Bukowski" | ] |
It's Saturday and I should be cleaning the house or doing yardwork or _something_ that those people who do responsible things do. But it's starting to occur to John and me both that I am, as they say, overdoing it. I'm working full time, in an MBA program part time (2 new classes every 8 weeks all year round), living with my boyfriend, taking Scout to puppy classes once a week along with simply taking care of Scout (!) and the three cats, keeping up with the housework (Jonelle, we're on the same page), and trying not to feel guilty about not keeping in touch with my friends.
There have been lots of little clues that I'm overloaded, but I think when I slept from 5:30 yesterday until 9:30 this morning, I knew I was pushing myself a bit too much. John and I talked about it and he said, plainly, You can't put everything as Priority One. I said, I know, but I can find a balance, I always do. He said I'm not finding a balance when I need to sleep 16 hours. Yet I can't cut back. If I take fewer than 2 classes each term then I won't graduate in under 2 years, which I really want to do. If I don't work 40 hours a week, (which my dad said is okay [yes, I work for my dad]) then I'll feel like my co-workers won't respect me. If the house isn't clean I'll hate being here. And I'm not going to have an untrained dog, damn it!
See my dilemma? I understand you're probably all rolling your eyes cause you're like, sounds like you've got too many things going for you is all! I just want to do too much, I guess. And I haven't been pleasure reading at all. That always sucks me dry to not read for fun.
On another note, I watched Monster last weekend and it was such a god damn downer, but I had to watch it. It was a combination of Monster's Ball and Boys Don't Cry. Shit. |
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| I've been thinkin' about you. |
[Jun. 16th, 2004|08:48 am] |
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I'm at work and the rest of the department is gone at a branch audit (I'm an auditor at a bank). I'm sitting here listening to Radiohead's "I've Been Thinkin' About You" and missing my grandma more than I have in awhile. Last night, John and I were cleaning, and we put the three teapots she gave me before she died in a glass cabinet. I just cried and cried. I am so overwhelmed by change and responsibility. I've felt this way before in college, so it's not entirely that I left DePauw. When I used to get so stressed and hopeless I always went to see Grandma and we would just sit and play Scrabble and laugh at how I'd try to make up words and she decide whether she'd want to risk her points on calling me out (for us Scrabble was like poker--bluffing is fine). Then we'd watch Letterman and she'd tell me who's really cute these days. When she was dying I wondered how I'd ever make it through these times without her. I guess I'm still wondering. She was one of two people I could say I love you to. And it wasn't a formality. God damn, death's a heavy sinker. |
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| My purse is in the Prison of Azkaban |
[Jun. 12th, 2004|08:07 am] |
So I've decided I need to read the Harry Potter books now. The movies are just too fun, and I want to know what happens outside of Harry's little world, which I know the books must address to some degree. BTW, Damon, when I told John you called HP "Harry Hotter with Every Movie," he just shrugged and said, "That's the greek in him." Love it.
I'm at work on a Saturday. This is so grass is always greener. I read you guys' posts about not having a job and being frustrated, but I'm really overwhelmed with my job right now and wishing I'd taken a few weeks off and just simmered, or sauteed. Either one.
The dog's good. Scout. She's not a Scout yet. She's still a rascal. But she follows me around everywhere and lies down on my feet, and I think she has the potential to be a tomboy / my best friend. I realize I've become so narcissistic about this dog. I _want_ it to think of me as its only anything in life. Someone please tell me these aren't maternal instincts.
Picked out paint colors for the house yesterday, which almost killed both John and me. Painting starts next week. The house is now baby shit yellow with a slate blue accent color. We're doing it almost a cranberry color with "bone white" main accents and some blues/slate minor accents. It's going to blow away the neighborhood. Which will be interesting because we're the youngest people on the block by about 35 years.
I bought my Rufus and BF ticket the other day. I did the thing where you print it out. But now I lost my purse. And my purse had the ticket in it. Not to mention my credit cards and $100 (we're going to a baseball game tonight) in cash. I'm not okay with this and I'm afraid some ugly anger is going to rise up in me pretty soon here.
The UTI is gone after 7 days of antibiotics and pain meds (nothing great, just the stuff that turns your pee orange-red). I feel soooo much better. Better in that I can walk without pissing myself. That kind of better.
All right, I'm at work now and I'm supposed to be doing something productive.
Word. Life. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 5th, 2004|10:10 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nauseated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ugh. No. | ] |
So I've been waking up about 3 times a night for three weeks with painful urination, also commonly known as a urinary tract infection. I'm almost positive I got it from the permethrin cream I had to slather all over my body in order to kill the scabies, since the pain began, OH, the first time peed the morning after application.
Normally these things take care of themselves--a little sleep, a lot of cranberry juice. But this morning when I woke up, I had blood in my urine and I'm totally freaked out now. I'm on my way to the off-hours medical clinic, aka, the clinic for the uninsured. It's really not so bad. Maybe you've heard of/been to it?
I've just really been mired in the dull pain surround my uterus lately. But it's the first beautiful Saturday in Valparaiso since March so I can't complain. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 31st, 2004|10:12 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | surprised | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The sound of the neighbor's lawn mower and John's circular saw. | ] |
So, apparently this weekend I _became_ the American Dream. Over this 3-day weekend I have walked the dog three mornings, mowed the lawn, trimmed the hedges, washed the car, watched a family movie _with_ Scout (the dog), the Adventures of Yellow Dog I believe it was called, (shit, now I'm at that point where I should have been using semi-colons in my list; fuck it), and made multiple meals, including bratwursts, pasta salad, and, today I'm making pot roast!! Meanwhile, John has laid a new 10'x10' brick patio (I'm not even kidding) and built a gate to put on the back porch so Scout can come outside and just sit on the porch without supervision. I've also done about 5 loads of laundry, vacuumed, cleaned the bathroom, and spent untold hours with my mother, voluntarily!
I think I'll be ready for the Indy escape at the end of June . . . before I morph into June Cleaver. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 29th, 2004|09:11 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | No music. Puppy's sleeping. | ] |
I love when I get up at 6:30 on a Saturday because I have a puppy who needs to gallop around the block and two summer school classes that need my weekend attention. Not to mention a car full of shit I haven't moved into the house because I fear the scabies epidemic! (Yes, still. It's scarring, people. Doug, Jonelle, you can confirm.)
So, this lady I work with at work may not have a measurable IQ. Honestly, I think she's mildly retarded, and she repeats everything I say only she slightly rephrases it so that it seems like she thought of it herself. Who does she think she's fooling??
Katy: You know, I think the new billboards are attractive, but they're a little bit confusing.
Sandy: Yeah. I mean, yeah. I was thinking they're, well, a little bit confusing. But, um, I was also thinking they're attractive. I've heard some other people think that, too.
Please, someone tell me, how does one respond to that sort of remark!?!?!
I only thank God that I'm working with my bf since 6th grade, Lauren, who's leaving me in August to go to medical school (she promises free pens with drug ads on them, yes!). We've had some good times, but also awkward moments where we fumble for old inside jokes from like 10th grade. Still, at least we can email each other and make fun of Sandy. Great, my life revolves around making fun of a semi-retarded tweedle-dum looking woman. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 26th, 2004|08:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jimmy Eat World -- "For Me This is Heaven" | ] |
Well, following suit, this is my first summer update. I'm at home in the Gingergbread House with John and the kids--the three cats and the newcomer, Scout the 11-week-old Golden Retriever puppy. Sometimes I feel bad because I've left DePauw for a home that I love and very few others have that. It's not that life's perfect--far from it--but I'm certainly weathering the transition easier with John and the rest of my gang.
I do miss you all dearly. It will never be like it was again. (Profound, I know, but it's how I feel.) John was asking me what I'll miss most about DePauw and my friends. I will miss our laughter. I will be hard-pressed to name a funnier group of people. I went to Valpo to be serious and domestic. I came to DePauw to laugh hysterically. You are all so smart and fucking hilarious. I love it. I love all of our catch phrases and our stupid puns and our Biblical, mythological, philosophical, literary, and what-have-you references that make my eyes brighten (and sparkle and dance?).
It was my first day of work today and I thought the cliche, today is the first day of the rest of my life. I will be involved with this bank in some responsible way or another for the rest of my life. The people there are kind-hearted, but damn it, they're just not funny!!!
Sigh. I wish someone would make me laugh. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 22nd, 2004|12:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | I've got Adam Duritz in my head. Recovering the Satellites, mostly. | ] |
I'm going to Indy in a few minutes to spend the night at a hotel with my dad and John. The scabies have sucked out my lifeblood (literally?) and I want to get started with the treatment today so I don't infect John and our house and our cats. I'm such a disgusting scabby mess right now.
I feel bad about leaving on the "last night," but I really hadn't planned on the most intense itching of my life to occur the day before graduation. I'd probably just sit and sulk (or skulk, if we're in Four Weddings and a Funeral) all day, clawing at myself and feeling pitiful. Nobody wants that.
So, it's spring, and it's no surprise that I'm leaving again. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 18th, 2004|10:05 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | I'm a musical blank. | ] |
It's ooooooover now. Musta been love. But I lost it somehow.
What I mean is, I'm done with this school.
(Hold my hand?) |
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welterweight's journal